ADHD Masking Explained: Signs, Causes, and Relief
- Britt Ritchie
- Sep 30
- 5 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
In a world that praises polished, efficient, and endlessly “together,” a lot of my clients with ADHD end up putting on a performance just to get through the day. We call this ADHD masking—hiding or downplaying your natural traits so you can pass as “fine.” It works… until it doesn’t. The bill often shows up as anxiety, burnout, and that hollow feeling of being alone in a crowded room.
In this post, I’m walking you through what ADHD masking looks like, why so many women do it, how to spot it, and—most importantly—how to loosen the mask without losing your hard-won success.
Key Points
ADHD masking is when you suppress symptoms (like fidgeting, forgetfulness, or impulsivity) to appear “put together.”
Masking often leads to exhaustion, anxiety, low self-esteem, and strained relationships.
Women are especially prone to masking due to social pressures and perfectionism.
Signs include acting differently in public vs. private, over-preparing, people-pleasing, and emotional exhaustion.
Breaking free requires therapy, supportive environments, holistic care, and self-compassion.
Let’s be real: ADHD masking feels like you’re running a full-time Broadway show inside your head. You’re double-checking every word, controlling every movement, and praying no one notices the chaos you’re working so hard to hide.
On the outside? People think you’re successful, polished, and “so organized.”
On the inside? You’re exhausted. You’re wired and tired.
Here’s the truth: it’s not just you. And you don’t have to keep wearing the mask. Understanding what ADHD masking is—and why it shows up so often for women—is the first step to finding real relief.
Understanding ADHD Masking
ADHD masking is a coping strategy—often unconscious—where you suppress, overcorrect, or carefully script your behavior to appear “neurotypical.” Think: holding in the fidgeting, over-preparing for simple conversations, triple-checking every detail so no one thinks you’re “careless.”
Why we do it:
To avoid judgment or stigma.
To meet relentless expectations at work, school, or home.
To stay in control when your brain feels anything but.
Short term, masking can help you “blend in.” Long term, it’s expensive. You’re running constant internal surveillance: monitoring your tone, your facial expressions, your inbox, your calendar, your… everything. That level of self-management spikes stress hormones, drains executive function, and leaves you on guard even during downtime. Over time, I see this turn into burnout, anxiety, and a shrinking sense of self.
There’s another downside: when you’re successfully masking, people (including providers) may not see how hard you’re working. That can delay accommodations, treatment, or even a proper diagnosis. Understanding masking isn’t about blaming yourself—it’s about giving yourself permission to pursue support that fits.
Signs of ADHD Masking
Masking is, by design, hard to spot. These patterns raise my clinical antennae:
Two different versions of you. Calm and polished at work; overstimulated, restless, or shut down at home.
Excessive self-monitoring. Replaying conversations; apologizing for “bothering” people; over-preparing for routine interactions.
Perfectionism with a side of panic. Meticulous planning to avoid mistakes; fear that one slip will “expose” you.
Chronic exhaustion. You’re competent on paper, depleted in reality.
Low self-worth under the achievements. Feeling “not good enough” despite evidence to the contrary.
If you’re nodding along, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it “wrong.” It means you’ve built powerful survival strategies. Now we get to build strategies that let you live.
The Psychological Impact of Masking
Masking asks your nervous system to white-knuckle its way through daily life. The result?
Chronic stress and anxiety. Staying “on” becomes your default.
Erosion of identity. When you’re always performing, your preferences and needs get blurry.
Loneliness. It’s hard to feel known if you rarely let people see how your brain actually operates.
Physical fallout. Headaches, GI issues, muscle tension, disrupted sleep—your body keeps the receipts.
When clients tell me, “I don’t know who I am when I’m not performing,” I hear the toll of masking—not a personality flaw.
Causes of ADHD Masking
Masking grows in the gap between who you are and what the world rewards.
Stigma and stereotypes. ADHD traits are still mislabeled as lazy, flaky, or immature.
Social conditioning. Many girls learn early to be quiet, tidy, and agreeable—so they overcorrect to stay acceptable.
Perfectionism and people-pleasing. If excellence equals safety, you keep polishing.
Painful feedback loops. Criticism, rejection, or being misunderstood teaches the brain, “Hide this part to belong.”
None of this means masking is your fault. It does mean unmasking deserves compassion, pacing, and support.
How ADHD Masking Affects Daily Life
Work:
You deliver, but it costs you: long hours, hyper-vigilance, fear of being “found out,” and reluctance to request accommodations. Burnout creeps in disguised as productivity.
School:
Over-studying, over-highlighting, and still feeling behind. The mental load is enormous.
Relationships:
Filtering yourself protects you from judgment, but it also blocks intimacy. If you’re always “fine,” no one knows where to meet you.
Home:
You collapse at the end of the day and wonder why “basic” tasks feel like a marathon. (Because they’ve been layered with masking—that’s why.)
Strategies for Recognizing Masking Behavior
A few practical ways to spot it—gently:
Context check. Where do you feel safest to be yourself? Where do you go into performance mode?
Energy audit. Which situations leave you disproportionately drained compared to others around you?
Language scan. Lots of “sorrys,” “I shoulds,” and reassurance-seeking can signal internal pressure to perform.
Tool hiding. Do you stash your timers, sticky notes, or body-doubling tricks because they feel “embarrassing”?
Awareness is step one. Self-blame is not on the list.
Seeking Professional Help: When to Talk to Someone
Reach out when:
Distress lingers. Anxiety, low mood, or shame are hijacking your days.
Relationships suffer. You’re struggling to feel close, honest, or supported.
The load is unsustainable. Keeping up the mask leaves nothing in the tank.
A skilled clinician can help you understand why masking happens, gently test safer ways of showing up, and build supports that reduce the need to perform.
Coping Mechanisms for Individuals with ADHD
Let’s trade performance for alignment—supports that work with your brain, not against it.
Mindfulness and nervous-system regulation. Short, doable practices (box breathing, sensory grounding, micro-pauses) calm the “always on” setting.
Right-sized structure. Planners, visual timers, checklists, and time-blocking—used as scaffolding, not self-punishment.
Break it down. Smaller steps, clearer thresholds for “good enough,” and done > perfect.
Compassionate self-talk. Replace “what’s wrong with me?” with “what does my brain need right now?”
Body-double or co-work. Gentle accountability reduces friction and boosts momentum.
These are not moral upgrades. They’re accessibility tools for your mind.
Support Systems: Friends, Family, and Community Resources
We heal faster when we’re not doing it alone.
Educate your inner circle. Share what ADHD masking is and what helps you feel safe to unmask.
Name your asks. “Please text me the day before,” “Can we meet in a quieter place?” “I’ll need a reminder.”
Find your people. Support groups (online or in Denver/Colorado), ADHD communities, and coaching spaces where different brains are the norm—not the exception.
Advocate for accommodations. School and workplace supports aren’t special treatment; they’re how you access your potential without the mask.
Embracing Authenticity and Self-Acceptance
Unmasking isn’t a dramatic reveal—it’s a series of small, kind choices that let your nervous system exhale. You learn where it’s safe to be more you, what tools actually help, and how to build a life that doesn’t require a performance to participate.
My hope for you: fewer days spent holding your breath and more days spent feeling like yourself—focused enough, supported enough, and finally allowed to be human.
Want support while you unmask?
I work with ambitious women navigating ADHD, anxiety, and burnout—blending integrative psychiatry (labs, lifestyle, supplements, medication when useful) with practical, evidence-based therapy. If you’re in Denver or anywhere in Colorado, we can meet virtually; concierge options are available.
ADHD masking feels most like...
Acting in a play I didn’t audition for
Running Windows 95 on my brain
Holding in a sneeze for 12 hours straight
Wearing Spanx for my personality
If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear: Where do you notice your mask the most—and what’s one tiny place you could try loosening it this week?
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