Narcissism vs Narcissistic Tendencies: Are We Overusing the Label?
- Britt Ritchie
- Mar 18
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 25
We’ve all heard it—or maybe even said it: “My ex is such a narcissist.”
It rolls off the tongue easily, especially when someone’s behavior feels self-centered or dismissive.
But lately, I’ve noticed something troubling: “narcissism” has become the catch-all label for any behavior we don’t like.
It’s everywhere—social media posts, breakup conversations, therapy memes.
And while I understand the impulse (it’s human to seek explanation), I think it’s time to pause and ask: are we confusing narcissism with narcissistic tendencies?
Because there’s a big difference between having traits that feel self-focused and having an actual personality disorder.
Key Points
Narcissism exists on a spectrum—from normal self-focus to clinically significant patterns that disrupt relationships and empathy.
Narcissistic tendencies don’t automatically mean someone has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Overusing the term “narcissist” can trivialize real mental health conditions and make genuine empathy harder.
Understanding the difference helps us set healthier boundaries—without jumping to conclusions or mislabeling others.
Self-awareness doesn’t equal narcissism. In fact, insight and curiosity about your own patterns are the opposite of it.
We live in a time when psychological language is part of everyday conversation. That’s a good thing—awareness matters. But somewhere between TikTok therapy and clickbait headlines, we’ve blurred the line between narcissism and narcissistic tendencies.
It’s easy to call someone a narcissist when they disappoint us or act inconsiderately.
But not every frustrating interaction is rooted in pathology. Sometimes people are just human—imperfect, reactive, or unaware—not disordered.
So before we label, let’s look closer at what these terms actually mean.
What Is Narcissism—And When Does It Become a Disorder?
Narcissism in small doses is part of being human. We all have moments of pride, self-interest, or wanting recognition. Healthy narcissism helps us pursue goals, recover from setbacks, and maintain confidence.
Narcissistic tendencies refer to behaviors like defensiveness, attention-seeking, or occasional lack of empathy—traits that show up under stress but don’t define someone’s entire personality.
By contrast, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinical diagnosis characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy across many areas of life (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). It’s relatively rare—affecting an estimated 0.5–5% of the population (Ronningstam, 2016).
Here’s the difference in plain language:
A person with narcissistic tendencies might interrupt you mid-sentence because they’re excited to share an idea.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder interrupts you because they believe what you’re saying isn’t worth hearing.
That’s not rudeness—it’s a deeply ingrained way of relating to others, often rooted in fragile self-esteem and unmet early needs.
Why We’re So Quick to Label Everyone
I think many of us use psychological labels out of hurt, confusion, or the need for understanding.
When someone betrays our trust or makes us feel small, calling them a narcissist can provide clarity—or even validation.
But as comforting as that label feels in the moment, it often oversimplifies what’s really going on.
Here are a few reasons I believe “narcissism” has become the new buzzword:
Pop psychology has gone viral.
Ten-second reels make complex mental health concepts sound black-and-white.
It helps us make sense of pain.
If we can label someone as “toxic,” we don’t have to sit with the ambiguity of disappointment.
It creates distance.
Saying “they’re a narcissist” can shield us from vulnerability—but it can also block growth, healing, and compassion.
When we overuse the term, we unintentionally dilute the gravity of real NPD and risk dismissing our own agency in relationships. Understanding this distinction matters—especially for those of us working toward emotional awareness and boundary-setting.
Narcissism vs Narcissistic Tendencies: What to Look For
Understanding this difference doesn’t excuse bad behavior—it simply adds context.
And context is what allows us to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.
The Hidden Roots of Narcissistic Traits
Many narcissistic tendencies develop as adaptive responses to early experiences—not as deliberate cruelty.
For instance, a child who learns that love is conditional may grow into an adult who overcompensates through perfectionism, control, or external validation.
Someone who never felt seen might learn to seek attention as a way to feel safe.
This doesn’t justify harmful behavior—but it reminds us that narcissistic traits are often coping mechanisms for deep insecurity or emotional neglect.
When we understand this, we can hold compassion without collapsing our boundaries. We can say, “I see where this comes from,” while also saying, “I can’t let it hurt me.”
If You’ve Been Hurt by Someone With Narcissistic Traits
It’s okay if you feel angry, confused, or self-doubting.
Being in a relationship—romantic, familial, or professional—with someone who lacks consistent empathy can be emotionally exhausting.
If this sounds familiar, here are a few ways to start healing:
Name the pattern, not the person.
You don’t need to diagnose someone to acknowledge the impact of their behavior.
Rebuild trust in your perception.
People with strong narcissistic traits may use gaslighting or minimization. Reaffirm your own experience through journaling, therapy, or supportive relationships.
Set small, clear boundaries.
You don’t have to overexplain or justify them. Boundaries are not punishments—they’re protection.
Focus on self-regulation.
Narcissistic dynamics often trigger anxiety or self-blame. Mindfulness, breathwork, and nervous system regulation can help bring you back to safety.
Seek professional guidance.
A therapist or psychiatric nurse practitioner specializing in holistic, integrative psychiatry can help you understand the emotional patterns beneath your reactions and support your recovery.
Healing from narcissistic dynamics isn’t about labeling others—it’s about reclaiming your clarity and self-trust.
Try this Vagal Toning exercise which helps balance the nervous system.
You’re Not “Too Much”—You’re Just Aware
If you’ve ever feared you might secretly be a narcissist because you value self-care, confidence, or personal growth—please take a breath.
That’s not narcissism. That’s self-awareness.
In my experience working with ambitious, empathetic women in Denver, many clients carry deep guilt for having needs, boundaries, or ambition. They confuse strength for selfishness. But true narcissism lacks introspection—while self-reflection is its antidote.
You don’t have to fear being “too self-focused” when your intention is connection and authenticity.
You’re not the problem—you’re just learning to navigate relationships with more awareness and self-respect.
How I Can Help
If you’ve ever wondered where confidence ends and narcissism begins, or if you’re struggling with relationship confusion and self-doubt, you’re not alone.
Understanding the difference between narcissism vs narcissistic tendencies can bring relief, especially for women who’ve been mislabeled, gaslighted, or made to question their empathy.
At Mind Alchemy Mental Health in Denver, Colorado, I offer holistic, integrative psychiatry designed for women who want real answers—not quick fixes.
As a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner specializing in female psychiatry and holistic women’s wellness, I take a root-cause, whole-person approach that looks beyond symptoms to uncover why you feel the way you do. Whether you’re struggling with focus, fatigue, emotional exhaustion, or confusion about your relationships, we’ll work together to help you feel grounded and clear again.
My goal is to help you reconnect with yourself and rebuild from the inside out—through holistic, integrative psychiatric care that combines science, empathy, and genuine partnership.
Explore more:
The story behind my holistic approach to mental health
My approach & services for holistic women’s wellness
Visit my media hub for blogs, podcasts, and videos about holistic mental health treatment
How Often Do You Hear Someone Called a Narcissist?
Every time I scroll social media
Every time my ex is mentioned
Only when people are upset
Wait… am I a narcissist?!
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.
Ronningstam, E. (2016). Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder: Recent research and clinical implications. Current Behavioral Neuroscience Reports, 3(1), 34-42.
For those studying psychology, seeing how traits are measured is fascinating. A narcissism test is a practical example of how personality inventories work to assess a specific construct.