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My Battle with Social Anxiety

Updated: Apr 5

My Battle with Social Anxiety:

A Story of Fear, Strength, and Growth


Social anxiety
Ever felt like the whole room is watching your every move? Social anxiety can make even the simplest interactions feel like a high-stakes performance. But you're not alone—there is a way forward!

I’ve spent years perfecting the art of looking busy to avoid small talk, rehearsing casual greetings like they were life-or-death speeches, and analyzing past conversations like they were high-stakes legal cases. Strategically timing coffee breaks to dodge awkward interactions? Been there.


If you’ve ever felt like social interactions were a minefield of potential embarrassment, you’re not alone.


Social anxiety isn’t just about being shy—it’s a deep-rooted fear of judgment, scrutiny, and embarrassment that can impact every facet of life, from school to work to social interactions.


This is my story, interwoven with the clinical realities of social anxiety disorder (SAD), its symptoms, treatments, and the fight to reclaim confidence. 


If any of this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because this blog is for you.



Understanding Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)

Social anxiety disorder (SAD), also known as social phobia, is a chronic mental health condition characterized by an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), the key diagnostic criteria for SAD include:

  • Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations where scrutiny is possible (e.g., conversations, public speaking, meeting new people).

  • Fear of negative evaluation, including concerns about embarrassment, humiliation, or rejection.

  • Avoidance of social situations or enduring them with intense distress.

  • Disproportionate anxiety relative to the actual threat posed by the social situation.

  • Persistent symptoms, typically lasting six months or more.

  • Significant impairment in daily functioning due to anxiety (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).


SAD affects approximately 7.1% of U.S. adults annually, with lifetime prevalence rates reaching nearly 12% (National Institute of Mental Health, 2022). The disorder often emerges in adolescence and, without treatment, can persist into adulthood.



My Experience with Social Anxiety

For me, social anxiety wasn’t just a textbook definition—it was my reality. I can pinpoint its roots back to elementary school when I was in a play. Standing on stage, blinded by bright lights, I could see the faces in the audience staring back at me. My body locked up, my voice quivered, and the words I had memorized suddenly felt inaccessible. When I finally spoke, humiliation flooded me. I felt exposed, convinced I had failed.


Classroom settings weren’t much better. Asking a question felt like an invitation for judgment. If I worked up the courage to speak, I feared everyone thought I was inadequate. Math was my greatest academic struggle—both in concept and experience. Teachers and peers reinforced the idea that I was incapable, and even when I sought tutoring in high school and college, the message I received was one of hopelessness. It wasn't until I was 40 years old, after undergoing a neuropsychological evaluation, that I was diagnosed with dyscalculia, a learning disability that affects mathematical reasoning and processing. Learning this provided validation, but it also made me reflect on how much earlier support could have changed my experiences.


This fear bled into my social life. While I had a small circle of close friends, outside of that, I was consumed with anxiety. Interacting with authority figures—especially men—felt insurmountable. I convinced myself that to be accepted and respected, I had to be perfect: articulate, insightful, and confident. But instead of meeting this impossible standard, I shut down.


In my younger years, I used alcohol as a crutch. It dulled my anxiety, made interactions easier—until it didn’t. I realized that my "liquid courage" was causing more harm than good, and I stopped using it as a coping mechanism. But removing alcohol didn’t suddenly erase my struggles—it just meant I had to face them head-on. Social situations still felt overwhelming, and I often found myself overthinking every interaction, convinced that any slight misstep would expose all my insecurities. I struggled with eye contact, believing that if I locked eyes with someone, they'd see every insecurity I tried to hide.


Work presented its own challenges. Speaking with authority figures and people who I felt to be superior to me was daunting. A simple conversation, update, or request took an immense amount of courage. Job interviews were painstaking—hours of preparation, rehearsed responses, and inevitable tears afterward, feeling like I hadn’t done well enough.


When I became an assistant professor, my real exposure therapy began. Giving lectures terrified me. I feared saying something inaccurate, offending someone, and being humiliated. I prepared obsessively, took propranolol, lost sleep, and had panic attacks. I wanted to prematurely quit. In fact, I almost did, and if it wasn't for the support of my division chair and specialty director, I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I did. And while the anxiety never disappeared, it became slightly easier each time. I learned that perfectionism isn't sustainable. Instead, I started trying to embrace the concept of "good enough"—easier said than done.



Recognizing Social Anxiety Symptoms

Ever felt your heart race at the mere thought of introducing yourself? Common social anxiety symptoms include:

  • Physical symptoms: Blushing, sweating, trembling, rapid heartbeat, nausea, dizziness.

  • Emotional distress: Fear of judgment, excessive self-consciousness, dread of social interactions.

  • Behavioral patterns: Avoiding social settings, difficulty making eye contact, needing alcohol or substances to manage anxiety.


These symptoms can significantly interfere with daily life, affecting work, relationships, and overall well-being (National Institute of Mental Health, 2022).



Moving Forward:

My Commitment to Overcoming Social Anxiety

Although I have made significant progress, social anxiety is still a challenge for me. Eye contact remains difficult, and I still feel fear in certain situations. But I have made a commitment to keep pushing forward. I actively put myself in uncomfortable situations, using the tools I have—medication, therapy, and coping strategies—to make them more tolerable. Every time I challenge myself, I feel a sense of accomplishment, a small but meaningful step toward confidence. I don’t know if I will ever completely overcome social anxiety, but I hold onto hope. Until that day comes, I will continue to be patient with myself and put in the hard work—because I refuse to be shackled by fear and anxiety.


Sharing my story is one of the hardest things I do, but also one of the most powerful. Social anxiety thrives in silence, in the shadows of self-doubt, and in the fear of judgment. But every time I speak my truth, the grip of anxiety weakens, and I take back a piece of myself. By telling my story, I am not only freeing myself, but I am also helping to break the stigma that surrounds mental health struggles. I believe that challenges like social anxiety are not just barriers but opportunities—opportunities to grow stronger, to push beyond fear, and to reclaim the life I refuse to let anxiety take from me. I am committed to this journey, no matter how difficult it may be, because I know that freedom lies not in the absence of fear, but in the courage to walk through it.



I’ve Been There With Social Anxiety—And I Can Help

If my story felt familiar—the overthinking, the second-guessing, the post-conversation spirals—you’re not alone. Social anxiety isn’t always obvious, and it’s often mislabeled, especially in high-achieving women who seem confident on the outside but feel paralyzed inside.


I help women get to the root of what’s driving their social anxiety—whether it’s ADHD, trauma, sensory overwhelm, or years of masking—so they can finally feel safe being themselves.


Curious about how I can help? Check out these resources:


Or, when you're ready, schedule a consult to chat more.


You don’t have to keep rehearsing who you “should” be. Healing starts when you get to be who you are.


How do you handle awkward social situations?

  • 0%A. Fake texting

  • 0%B. Sudden escape

  • 0%C. Nervous laughter

  • 0%D. Avoidance is key



References

 
 
 

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